Mortdecai

Mortdecai - 107min - R

There is no earthly way I can express my disappointment in this film. There are some really talented people attached and you'd figure it would have been better just on star power. The story is feeble and the jokes are delivered with determination but none land. At most the audience gave a nervous pity titter. All I can feel is embarrassment at how poor this movie came out. The lowest I can give it is a Red light, this movie has made me think I should set up a no light award.

Mortdecai (Johnny Depp) and his wife, Johanna (Gwyneth Paltrow), owe back taxes to the tune of 8 million pounds. He needs to find a way to make a lot of money in a week before he loses his estate. His gets approached by Marland (Ewan McGregor), a member of MI5, who hires Mortdecai to find a rare painting that is supposed to have been destroyed. With his faithful man servant Jock (Paul Bettany) he sets off to find the painting and save his mustache and his home.

The one thing I did like about the movie is how Johnny Depp threw himself into the role. He doesn't do things in half measures. He transformed himself into the character. The character of a complete and total tit. There were absolutely no redeeming qualities to him. Paul Bettany did show off his action skills and he does them well. While he stood out in this film, with the bar set so low it wasn't hard.

I wonder if this movie looked better on paper, a person doesn’t start out by making a bad film… do they? I bet Johnny Depp was friends with them and decided to join in regardless of how bad it looked.

Johnny Depp is a standup guy. He has done a few things that have really gotten me on his side. So it baffles me why he chose to do this picture. His over-the-top British character was grating after a while. If this character was a member of a minority class, people would have called racism with as many stereotypes were used in the performance.

The movie has two endings. One was when Mordecai finds the painting, and I would been happy with the end being there, or maybe I just wanted to be done. There is another section where he comes up with a huge plan to get himself out of debit by pretending to sell it. I didn't care at that point. As a viewer I was not interested in the second part of the movie.

This movie really is all about the lip ferret Mordecai is growing and trying to get his wife to accept. One of the more mildly amusing moments is Gwyneth Paltrow gaging after each kiss, and Mortdecai's sympathetic gaging in reaction to her gaging. Really not enough to carry the movie but it did put a smile on my face. The 'stash is so absurd that it has more of a personality than the character did.

The Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger – 149m – Pg-13

This movie is the personification of a red light film. This is another churn and burn action movie that has potential as a story but instead of actually doing anything with it, they took Pirates of the Caribbean and moved it to the desert. This movie was poorly constructed, insulting and miles away from what the Disney brand name represents as a standard in family entertainment.

I have so many problems with this movie the spoiler section is going to encompass most of this review so I am going to not do a spoiler section for this review. I am going to talk about spoilers throughout this review. You have been warned!!!!!

This movie is told from Tonto’s (Johnny Depp) point of view to a young man (Mason Cook) who has paid to see a Wild West exhibit. Tonto explains the events that lead John Reid (Armie Hammer) to become a masked ranger to protect his loved ones and bring justice to a wild and unruly west.

This movie is an excellent example of what is wrong with our copyright system. It seems to me that the rights to the Lone Ranger were almost up so Disney had push anything out to keep control over this property. I have no problem with using the properties if you have an actual use for it, but I disapprove of putting something out just to keep it yours. Let someone who loves this story and might be able to tell a better story take it from there OR get those people involved in the project from the beginning and keep the copyright alive with a quality product.

I am a Native American. I am a member of the Hoopa tribe by blood. I sometimes joke about being offended at some things that are misrepresenting Native Americans in pop culture and entertainment. This time I AM offended.

When I heard that Tonto was going to be a major part in the movie I thought “alright. Hollywood is expanding the character and making some changes to recognize some of the wrongs that it has done to the Native Americans in the past.” Mmm not so much. To play this newly envisioned role they cast Johnny Depp -- who is an excellent actor, and might even have some Native American ancestry in his family tree. However, there are many actual Native American actors who could have done just as well. Off the top of my head some of them are Adam Beach, Rodney A. Grant, and Eddie Spears.

I could see all of them filling the shoes of Jay Silverheels who defined the role in the television series. The only real natives in the film are again resigned to set dressing and stereotypical roles.

Poor casting choices were only a small portion of the problems with Tonto. Our first images of him are as a stuffed Indian in an exhibit called The Noble Savage in his Natural Habitat. He is not stuffed he is just a really old man standing around waiting for people to look at him. I felt bad they brought the character down to a side show oddity.

I know that Native Americans joined traveling wild west shows but it would have been better to have Tonto sitting at the door inside the exhibit hall like an employee of the establishment or a tour guide. It would have been more respectful to the character to have the kid and Tonto travel down memory lane in that context.

At least that’s as bad as it… No, wait it gets worse. Tonto is a severely damaged character because of a tragedy in his past that resulted in the loss of his village. He showed some white men a big vein of silver and they repayed him by giving him a watch for the journey and killing his village to keep the find secret. He returns to see everyone including his pet raven dead. He has vowed to find the people who did this and kill them. On the surface, this is not that bad but on this crazy journey he wears the dead bird on his head and talks and feeds it constantly throughout the film. It becomes a running joke about him feeding this dead bird on his head.

The revenge portions of his character or making him tortured are fine but why make him barking moonbat crazy? He came off as an escaped cast member of “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”. If the director (Gore Verbinski) was using this to give Tonto an edge so that people would not pay attention to him, he wasted his time. Tonto was already invisible. He was an Indian -- people of that time underestimated them and counted them just above dumb animals.

The end of the movie has Tonto walking into the desert mural almost a “Being There” moment where we are supposed to be dumbfounded at what we just saw. Then we get the credits rolling as we watch Johnny Depp doing his 1000 year old man impression off into the sunset. I get that they were trying to make Tonto a spiritual figure one that embodied the west but that idea flew about as well as the dead bird on his head.

To the filmmakers credit they did at least get an actual member of the Comanche tribe to come in and consult on the props, costumes and even helped coach Johnny Depp with the language. He should have been asked to look at the script.

The rest of the cast did well with the roles and there was nothing outstanding about them, they fit the bill for this type of film.

I do have a problem with the level of viciousness of bad guy. If this were a movie with a different production company name I would have no problem with the level of violence perpetrated by the bad guy. This however was a Disney brand movie. The Disney brand is synonymous with Family Entertainment, and having a character cut out a person’s heart and eat it on screen is anything but family entertainment.

This level of violence isn't uncalled for by this character. Disney movies have always had brutal content, but we have never seen it happen on screen. We don’t actual see him eat the heart it but we do see it from behind and in the reflection of John’s eye. I am wondering if there are plans for a Lone Ranger ride at the parks now. Do we get to see an animatronic Butch Cavendish (William Fichtner) eating harts and covered in blood as kids ride by?

The Brothel scene was stretching it a bit. It’s perfect for the setting and it needs to be a part of a movie that is set in this timeframe but again the Disney brand implies certain standard of what you can expect to see. I look back at the other pirates movies and see where the standards have slipped ever so slowly down to the point where the production company doesn’t even blink an eye at this. Walt Disney is rolling over in his Cryo Tube.

They should make a separate production company for these kind of films to preserve the image of family entertainment associated with Disney. I just have a problem with the Disney name being directly associated with this film.

Did you see it and how do you feel? Am I off the mark? Should we get together and tell Disney we want our childhoods back?

The Rum Diary

The Rum Diary - 120m – R

Hunter S. Thompson is a writer that I have never really understood. Perhaps he speaks from a different age or perhaps I don’t use enough drugs to really get in touch with his message. This story was probably the most coherent of all of the movies that have been based on his work. This story was his first book but it was not published until later in his life. I really got the sense that this was his first character that received a call to arms to fight against corruption and people who abused power. As a movie it was not bad. I enjoyed seeing the younger version of Thompson; I think he bases his main characters on himself. I look back on it and I was surprised that it was a complete and understandable story. I liked the journey of the character but it did not speak to me as a viewer. This movie receives a yellow light.

Paul Kemp (Johnny Depp) is a new reporter at a small Puerto Rican newspaper. He is getting to know the politics of the island and also the paper. His new boss, Lotterman (Richard Jenkins), has him start out writing the daily horoscopes, but he gets involved with a local businessman by the name of Sanderson (Aaron Eckhart) and his girlfriend Chenault (Amber Heard). They are involved with the power players who are making money exploiting the locals. They want Kemp to write the travel brochures to bring tourists to a new resort they are building. During his stay on the island, he starts to learn how the people are mistreated and makes a choice to stand up to the people who are abusing the privilege they have been given.

The director, Bruce Robinson, does a good job of making the story come to life. He pays homage to Thompson’s book and does a good job of translating it to film. He has a good eye for keeping the focus on the actors, he lets them do their work. His brand of storytelling does not involve flashy tricks but he lets the scene and the actor blend in a natural flow of the individual scenes. When Kemp is exploring the poverty stricken areas of Puerto Rico, the scenes are not heavy with dialog but we see what Kemp is thinking in his reaction to what he sees. The problem with this movie is that the scenes don’t seem to blend together well. The parts are masterfully done but they seem to be blocked together poorly.

Thompson’s work has been hit or miss with readers. Either you love him or hate him: there seems to be no in-between. This is not like the Gonzo journalism of the previous films. This one is more of a story about a young man learning about who he is. This seems like a story of where he got his calling for his style of journalism. I am more interested in reading this story than his other books. This movie does peak my interest in reading more from him. I hope his books are not laced with LSD…

Spoiler Warning!!! Freaks only beyond this point!!! Click here to see them.

One of the best lines in this movie is from Kemp’s drug hallucinations from a lobster. “Human beings are the only creatures on earth that claim a god and the only living thing that behaves like it hasn't got one.” It’s the line that sparks the voice of Ink and rage against the bastards of the world.

This movie leads off with a promise of a drug and alcohol induced romp very much like Thompson’s other films but does not indulge in he over the top and the WTF just happened story telling. I think that some fans of his might feel let down, but this story does not really lend itself to that kind style.

Another great scene is when Kemp’s roommate, Moburg (Giovanni Ribsi), trades his high powered hallucinogens for a quick look at his penis, he calmly asks. “Is it the clap?” Kemp replies, “It’s a standing ovation.” Sick and wrong but it gave me a giggle.

What movie have you been looking forward to and was let down, because it’s just not the same. This Thompson story was one unlike his previous films.

The Tourist

The tourist rated PG13 103min

This movie is one that has the elements of a classic who done it. You have beautiful people meeting in exotic locations getting swept up in a espionage story that has a flavor of a north by northwest. At least that what the trailers would have you believe. In reality you have beautiful people in exotic settings with absolutely none of the feel of the old time spy movies. Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp play the main parts in this film, each providing as much to the characters as needed to collect a paycheck. I really expect so much more form Johnny Depp. His role choices in the past have been ones that have been exquisite studies into the uniqueness of characters that have been the center of many of his films. I have never been a fan of Angelina, She has never struck me as an actress that I can believe in, she seems to have one side to whatever role she is placed in. I think the only film that I liked her in was Girl Interrupted. I think at that point she had peaked as an actress and has not really moved on from there. In this movie she gives us a great face to look at but there is really nothing behind her eyes. This movie has some great potential but it seems to waste it. We have some heist movie elements but this movie takes place after the heisted and now we are trying to catch the clever bad guy who has a love interest with Angelina’s character, so Interpol is watching her and is keeping her under surveillance until the person they are hunting shows up. This movie left me flat over all and it seemed like many of the stars were here to shoot a quick movie over the weekend. Some other notable appearances are Paul Bettany who plays a detective on the trail of the bad guy who steals from bad guys and Timothy Dalton as his boss. Paul did a better job than his piers but still over all his performance was not enough to bring this film’s overall lack of feeling up any. Steven Berkoff did a good job of bring to life the wronged crime lord but again his effort was lost in a sea of apathy. This is Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck’s second full length film. His previous work on “lives of others” was a much better example of his potential. Technically there are some editing errors (If I see them on the first viewing the movie does not have my attention the story) but other than that it was a fine film from a technical standpoint. If you have nothing to do for the one hundred and three minuets that the movie plays for and you are going to be able to watch it for free, than you might want to choose this film. Or not It really does not warrant a look.