Mile 22

Mile 22 - 94min - R

 This is a hot mess of a film. To sum up, some unlikeable people kill some folks and get killed.  Aside for a few bright stars in the film, you can skip it.

Here is my review from Blackflix.

Triple 9

Triple 9  - 115 - R

This is a perfect example of how to make a film, but it lacks any sort of spirit. Technically all the right boxes were checked however it just missed the mark. This move will be quickly forgotten. Read my full review here.  

Ek Tha Tiger

Ek Tha Tiger - 132min – NR

My trip to India has turned me on to Indian cinema. I have seen three movies in the last few weeks and it just happens that all three are made by the same director. Kabir Kahn directed this film in 2012 and it looks like it’s his directorial debut. You can tell it’s a first film from some of the shots and the, at times, odd pacing of the film. I am very glad that he has progressed as a director and some of the choices he made in the other films he has done has defiantly shown improvement. There is more self-assuredness to the camera choices and how he set up the scenes.

Tiger (Salman Khan) is an agent for RAW the Indian equivalent of the CIA and he has to retrieve some information from an Indian scientist, Professor Kidwai (Roshan Seth) in Dublin. Tiger starts to make a move but gets distracted by the professor’s cleaning lady, Zoya (Katrina Kaif). He falls for her but she turns out to not only be a cleaning lady she works for Pakistani Intelligence and she is there to get the same information. They now have to make a choice between love or country.

Salman Khan is a mountain of a man and has the most charming demeanor, even when he is at his most bad-assed you still kind of feel like the nicest person in the world is kicking ass. Katrina Kaif is awesome on the screen and she is so talented but her fighting skills are not as refined as Kahn’s. When you see her fight, it defiantly looks like she is concentrating on trying very hard to make the punch look right. She is outstanding otherwise.

I wanted to spend time talking about the director. This is an interesting confluence of events that I have now seen three of his movies just by random chance. Watching them in reverse order gives you an interesting perspective on his progress as a director. The first one I saw was Bajrangi Bhajaan,which is his latest film about an Indian man getting a young mute Pakistani girl back home. It’s a great blend of music and action and emotional pull. You can read my review HERE.

Ek Tha Tiger defiantly feels like a first film. It has the length of a typical Indian film but most of that could be cut because of the over-use slow motion shots. He uses them with all the finesse of a toddler with a new noisy toy. There is a scene where we see a character knocks over an ash tray and it goes into super slow motion to show the slow fall of the cigarette butts and ash artistically floating to the floor. But nothing is happening aside from that. When that scene is used it means that something bad is about to happen when said slow motion object hits the floor or to demonstrate that the hero of the film can draw his weapon\subdue his bad guy all before the cigarette hits the floor. None of those things happened it was a wasted shot.

There were also an over-use of longing looks between the love interests. There seemed to be one too many reaction shots after Tiger and Zoya locked eyes. She locks eyes with him we see him return the look and it’s established. You could even add a touch of slow motion to these scenes to add weight to the scene but only just a touch. They are great looking but again it unnecessarily adds to the length of film.

After taking a look at where they could tighten up the shots they could reasonably cut this 132 minute film down to 100 min. This is a great example of the growth of a filmmaker I would recommend seeing all three of his film only to watch the progression of an artist.

What other movies also demonstrate the growth of a director? 

Dumb and Dumber To

Dumb and Dumber To - 109 Min - PG13

I almost don't want to write this review, because it would mean having to admit I have seen this movie. I really want block out the whole thing. But if I have to say I saw the movie then here goes. Avoid this move like it was a warm glass of laxatives disguised as a good luck toast. I have said it once I'll say it again. Don't make a sequel for nostalgia's sake. Make a sequel if the story is strong enough to warrant a movie. This one was not.

I don't want to recap the movie because it's still too painful. Let’s just say that Harry (A fucking Emmy Award Winner Jeff Daniels) and Lloyd (Jim Carrey) are the same but now they are looking for what they think is Lloyds daughter, Penny (Rachel Melvin). They stumble into lots of great setups for fart jokes and a few other scatological hijinks, but really, nothing happens.

I saw the first one and I enjoyed it. It was exactly as it said on the tin. It was at the midnight showing and I had just gotten off of a 12 hour shift so my judgement may have been impaired, but the first one was funny. This one is not funny, and it’s convoluted and doesn't work. The jokes are stale and every punchline takes way too long to get to and once you do hit us with the payoff it doesn't really pay off. I kept hoping that they would stop the movie and say “just kidding.”

The formula is still the same but with only a few changes in side characters. I would have liked to see some progression with the characters. They have this painful joke about Lloyd acting like he is in a catatonic state for the past 20 years as a prank. It gives them a reason not to progress the characters. They could have had Harry learn few things while Lloyd remained the same character because of the prank. That stinker is the opening of the film. You would think that it would at least get a little better if you start out so low. It doesn't.

In this go-round, Rob Riggle is the butt monkey who takes all of the abuse from the two idiots while he is trying to kill them. I am so sorry he has to have this on his list of credits. If anything Hollywood should give him more films so he can push the stink of this film further down his credit list.

I literally left the theater in a worse mood than when I went in. Every joke that bombed was another kick to the groin. I was so embarrassed for these people who can and have done so much better. You could tell they were selling it for all they were worth, but the material was just not funny. I can't even tell if it was just me because the theater I was at was empty except for me. Well that may be telling right there. I only went because it was showing next.

I understand the need to recapture the magic of something that worked once but it’s like smoke: once it's in the wind it's gone. You can only enjoy it for that one moment. You look sad when you try and get the same magic out of a manufactured moment. Like a high school graduate going back to the campus 20 years later to remember the glory days it should be a private walk down memory lane, not filmed and packaged as a bad movie.

Do you want to know the most annoying sound in the world.... this movie. Let's all just pretend this sordid affair didn't happen and we can go on with our lives. 

Hitman: Agent 47

Hitman: Agent47 - 96 min - R

As much as I love video games, I have been burned by how bad a video game translates to the screen. There have been way too many misses to justify the few hits. This movie falls in that middle ground. Not good enough to be a hit but better than many of the video game movies I've seen. The first time director, Aleksander Bach, steps onto the scene with power and excellent skills, all be it rough around the edges. He could evolve into the next Luc Besson given more time to develop. They definitely took great care in making sure the story matches the spirit of the game. At least he hasn't followed in the footsteps of other directors who have taken a dump on video game moves..Koff.. Uwe Boll, Koff, koff.

Katia (HannahWare) is a woman trying to find answers about her past. She has remembers a man, but nothing else. An agent is after her, a genetically engineered killing machine with no emotion or motivation other than to complete his mission. The Agent, who is numbered 47 (Rupert Friend) will stop at nothing at getting to her. A man named John Smith (Zachary Quinto) is trying to help Katia but in this movie nothing is as it seems. This is an extremely hard balancing act to pull off. Everyone is a mystery we are just as lost as the characters to start off.

Keeping the audience in the dark about the who is a good guy or a bad guy is a good hook but you can’t maintain it for too long. When the audience doesn't have anyone they know going into the second act you've lost any chance at getting the audience to root for them.

As a first major film for the director it’s really decent performance. It has just the right amount of action and the supernatural abilities of the main character to make it feel like you are watching great player play the game. The timed cause and effect special attacks and general fighting are fun to watch. The acting is monotone. Agent 47 is not designed to have any emotions so it makes sense he would be toned down when delivering lines. There are a few spots he lets a little life into the delivery but only the briefest of moments. The lines are also very binary. What I mean is one person says something and the other person responds. There is no interplay with the dialog. It would be nice to see the effect of what’s being said on the face of one of the characters.

The scenes in-between the fighting are amateurish. There are little to no depth or construction to the in-between shots they seem to be there only to pass the time until we can get back to the action. The CGI is applied with a heavy hand in some scenes. There was one scene where the Agent and Mr. Smith are falling into a moving train and then fall to the track below. Very heavy CGI effect takes me right out of the movie and wonder if they should have perhaps done better or cut the scene all together.

This is the second attempt at making the Hitman series a hit. The first attempt at a movie from this video game franchise in 2007 was a critical disappointment and this one isn't doing much better. I have begun to wonder if this is just not meant to be made into a movie. If they do want to do this right, (I know I am going to get heck for saying this), they need an origin story. Hear me out. What this movie is missing is an emotional connection to the character. He is a tin man who excels at killing folks. The audience needs to be invested in the character’s progress. This movie doesn't give us this.

There was also no doubt the good guys would win. They had absolutely no consequences or risk in the fights they were having. In the end, this movie is nothing more than violent eye candy. That's fine and sometimes really hard to do. Now they need to make sure they can balance out with more story.

Did you think this better or worse or on par with the 2007 film?

Minions

Minions - 91 min - PG

Side characters almost never do well when they try and pilot their own film. Looking at my coffee, I am struck by an analogy. I love my cinnamon dolce latte but I don't want a cup of hot cinnamon water. The same goes for the Minions movie. At first glance I admit I was interested because I loved them in the Despicable Me franchise. But they really only work as side characters. This film is not strong enough to be a green but not average enough to be a yellow. I guess you can't eek by on cuteness and charm.

This is the origin story of Minions and shows us how they came to work for Gru. From the dawn of time they have sought out the strongest, meanest bad guy and devoted their entire existence to serving them. As we watch them progress from bad guy to bad guy we see them inadvertently kill off each and every bad guy they serve. The literally love their bosses to death. This movie tries to explain what we have taken on faith.

Charley Bucket wisely said “chocolate doesn't need a reason,” the same could be said for minions. This movie does nothing to enrich the Despicable Me universe. So much time and effort needs to bring something to the universal story arc. The minions do fine with shorts, but after the first thirty minutes the film loses steam. It starts back up again once the people who speak English are on screen.

Some of the good qualities are the performances by the actors. Sandra Bullock gets her mean on by playing Scarlet Overkill, the baddest villain before Gru. John Hamm is great as her husband. Talented as they were their characters made no sense. I know I am arguing sense in a movie where in the first film they stole the moon. But some things you are willing to go along with.

The psychotic nature of Scarlet Overkill was way out of check. The example of her having planned out how she was going to be Queen and based her dress and look on the picture she drew when she was young. When the designer doesn't make her look exactly like her picture she loses it. I don't believe she has the wherewithal to become the biggest villain when she can't see that this is an unrealistic request. She could have been stronger and more maniacal. Instead she comes off as unstable.

This is a journey that is best forgotten. If you are getting an urge to see the minions, watch the shorts on the extras disk on the Despicable Me movie. That's about as long as they can carry a story. It's not a bad thing to do really good short films. You have to know where your strengths are and work with them. Keep banning them out, make 2 hours’ worth of them. Just don't put them together and try to make a movie with them.

I think they should have focused on Gru as a kid. Start off fighting Scarlet Overkill take us through the relationship they have with Gru. You have established characters and if you want to have a “we have killed all the bad guys we have worked for in the past” montage. But they are trying their very best not to inadvertently kill young Gru. That opens up many more humor options than what they have.

Can you think of any movie that had side characters take center stage in their own move that did well? Perhaps this is why there is no Side Character Genre.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - 101min - PG13

Oh how wrong can things go when you underestimate the viewing audience. This movie didn't play with the fan base or new audience. See what I wrote about this steaming pile of Turtle leavings here on Web Wombat. 

Fantastic Four (2015)

Fantastic Four (2015) - 90 min - PG13

There seems to be a lot of hate heading toward the Fantastic Four, and for good reason. It's yet another shallow reboot attempt that's sole purpose is to keep ahold of a copyright. This time they take a crack at the Marvel Ultimate version of the FF story. We have to trudge through another long-winded origin story instead of dropping us off into the action. Director Josh Trank previously impressed me with his work on Chronicle. He needs to go back to that franchise and leave Fox to hoarding the unsold Fantastic Four paraphernalia. I bet the studio heads are all wondering why this one didn't work. I am guessing it’s because instead of letting talented people do what they do best they figured that as they are paying for it they need to have creative control as well. 

I am going to list all of the good things about this film.

If we are going for the Ultimate look then the casting was spot on. A younger cast looks like they walked off a set of a CW series. Miles Teller does a great Reed Richards. Kate Mara and Michael B. Jordan bring the Storms to life quite well. Jamie Bell has a moody take on The Thing, dark but well played. The Doom is brought to life by Toby Kebbell and is dag-nasty evil in this telling of the fab four.

The set design was really wonderful. The other dimension and the labs look great. The costumes were basic but I think as an origin film they didn't need to get into the whole blue spandex thing, at least not yet.

and... that's it....the end of my list of what they hit the mark on.

There were other good performances with the Reg E. Cathy playing Dr. Storm, Johnny and Sue’s father. Even more impressive because they had to work with a completely flat and lifeless story. It takes too long to explain how Ben and Reed are friends when we can really just take it on faith that they are friends. That time could have been better spent.

The company Dr. Storm work for seems to be a front for a shadow organization. The dimensional portal that the team has made is up and working and the company seems bent on getting NASA Involved in doing jumps to another dimension. Before they hand over the machine the young intrepid scientists decide to go on a jump of their own. Things go drastically wrong, and Victor Von Doom gets left behind. The remaining three get spirited away to an Area 51 esque military base. Reed Richards escapes and starts to try and find a cure for the effects of the journey to the other dimension. Ben, Sue and Johnny are left behind and start working for the shadow group.

Like the earlier film the “heroes” are not doing anything heroic. They are only cleaning up their own mess. If they hadn't used the machine they wouldn't have created Doom. If they hadn't brought Doom back to try and save him, he wouldn't have created a wormhole that ate a town. When they finally put an end to Dr. Doom’s diabolical scheme, the government agency that was using them as black ops team is now sucking up to them. They are given a secluded high tech lab to run even more dubious experiments in. With all the damage these folks have done, I wouldn't be so quick to give them more ammunition. It’s easy to look heroic when you’re cleaning up a huge mess that you created. Come to think of it my son may be taking this tack when he is bragging about cleaning his room.  

Doctor Doom is a very dark bad guy that has no care for human life. He goes through the military base exploding heads. His rationale being that humanity ruined this world and he can make his world a better one. I don't know if I am a fan of the eco-warrior vein they have him written in.

Josh Trank is better than this film. He has shown that given space to work he can do a very compelling hero movie. His first film was really strong storytelling despite the cliched “found footage” aspect. I get the feeling that he was brought in to breathe life into this franchise that is on its last legs. But instead of the studio heads giving him resources to do what he does best, he was hampered by the “Old Studio” formula where every executive thinks they should have creative control over things. They should have really just stepped back and let the talented people work.

What leads me to think that non-creative people had a hand in the downfall of this film? It could be the fact that the studio required a reshoot after Trank had finished the film.  Sue’s wig is a dead giveaway that time has passed and she has moved on to a new hairstyle. The pacing is completely off in the film. There was a huge uproar about the leaked information about the original Dr. Doom and the nerd sphere pressured the studio so they changed the story to fit the desires of the fandom.

You can tell by the way Fox Studios cranks out a Fantastic Four movie just before their rights to the material expires that they aren’t interested in making this a great franchise. They are just trying to keep the copyright and the subsequent merchandising revenue. In the long run it would be more profitable for them to sell the rights back to Marvel and have something to show for it instead of trying to fake their way through a story.

Some studios never learn.

Pixels

Pixels - 105 Min - PG-13

It's really hard to write this review. There is so much about this film that is so over the top absurd that it’s even hard to take it. It looks back at the arcade life not with nostalgia but with ridicule. There is absolutely nothing interesting or redeemable in this film. My twelve year old son enjoyed it. Usually he is my scale and I reflect if I’m judging a movie too harshly. Not in this case. He and I are going to have to agree to disagree on this one I had an hour and forty five minutes of misery but he enjoyed it. Full disclosure, I come from the era in gaming where you saved your money to go to an arcade and had to line up your quarters to play the fun new game this movie should be playing to my age.

I can sum up in two words why my son enjoyed it: special effects. Admittedly they were really good. When you see items disintegrating into pixels and video game characters fighting and interacting with real world environment, it’s seamless. It’s visually stunning. I was right there with him on the major eye candy.

Effects alone do not a movie make. You need a story and some good characters and some conflict and resolution to make a story. By the strictest sense of the definitions you can say that this film has those things but only if you look at it squinting and hold your head just right.

I think the biggest disappointment is the way “nerds” are tied to every 80’s stereotype. Yes this movie originates in the 80’s but the mindset of the world that the movie takes place in hasn’t progressed past the point of jocks looking down on geeks and nerds. It’s poking fun at nerds in a mean-spirited way.

Kevin James plays the president and it’s only through their childhood friendship that Adam Sandler's character is allowed to help. Yep it’s good to have friends in high places. Even Kevin James’s sad sack routine isn't enough to engage us in the movie. Adam Sandler plays his angry curmudgeon slinging zingers and one liners but it’s nothing new.

Peter Dinklage playas Eddie or “Fireball” as he likes to be called. Eddie took the title at the world video game championship. But he won because he used cheat codes. Well he decides he can use them in a real life fight with some real video game monsters. So he does, and this is where you lose me as a viewer.

In a video game you can use a code and change how you interact with the video game environment. He is playing in real life version of Pac Man, so the cheat codes shouldn't make him warp through solid buildings and jump around the game board that is the streets of New York. If cheat codes worked in real life I would totally use them. Here is another reason I don't care for the film. The fact I am debating cheat codes used in a real life fight with Pack Man.

Peter Dinklage can turn even a supporting role into cinematic gold but there is only so much he can do to pull the movie out of the pits. All of the performers did the best they could but the material was just not good. No matter how much your polish a turd it’s still a turd.

There seems to be no end to the just the odd jokes and awkward situations that were crammed into this movie without any regard to balance or structure. I would equate this movie to the Atari video game version of ET. Yes it has all of the same elements of a movie but it’s just not good. Adam Sandler should have deleted this script instead of trying to level it up.

If you need a memorable walk down video game lane go back and watch Wreck it Ralph it’s a much better film about video games. 

The ABC's of Death

The ABC's of Death - 129 min - Not Rated

This was recommended to me bay a person who found out I was a movie reviewer. It is a great idea 26 directors have a letter to build a short around.  Well only three are note worthy you can see them as links inside my review on Web Wombat. 

Ted 2

Ted 2 - 115min - R

Ted 2....Oh boy. Seth MacFarlane is beating the Ted drum again. Someone take that thing away from him. So many times I have seen movies that were gems and when a sequel comes out it is missing its muchness. Watching makes me cringe at the sad, hollow sound of them banging the same drum over and over.

I didn't get a chance to see Ted and thought about skipping the sequel because I have been doing that a lot lately seeing things out of order however my blog is titled "What is Showing Next" for a reason, so I did. This felt like a pale attempt at a movie. The film got absolutely no laughs from me and the rest of the audience were only mildly amused with a few pity chuckles here or there. It's almost like the filmmakers had a few funny jokes, and they built the story around the jokes. It also felt like a cable episodic television show. The set up and the jokes were almost vignettes among themselves parading as a movie.

Seth McFarlane is a brilliant man and I know that he does the lowest common denominator humor so he can pay for things like Cosmos (which was brilliant) but he can and should do better than banging out sequels. Ted did well because it was something new and different he has the chops to make new and interesting material. You can see the same comedic timing that McFarlane is so good at, but it was still not enough to make this better.

I do want to go back and watch the original because if nothing else this film has made me interested enough in the characters to see the original. There was a good concept here. I just think they lost their way. I am intrigued to know how this bong-smoking teddy bear got its start. There are some jokes that are way offside, but McFarlane seems to have a bus pass to the topics that are at times too crass to be seen on screen.

I understand the appeal of this kind of movie I can see that this kind of humor works for a lot of people. When I go and watch it I have to take my cues from the audience and in this case they have given this movie a resounding yawn.

I want to take a look at the numbers for returns on comedy sequels and see if I can make a case for abolishing them except in the cases where there is an over-arching story arc that they are trying to tell.  Those obviously need them, but there beautiful one-offs that need to be left alone. Hold on.... I was thing of a different move there I am not saying Ted was a gem. I was thinking of The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. That movie was perfect and also didn't need a sequel.  I am going to watch Ted and get back to you if it’s worth your time.

Raunchy comedies have a hard time making a sequel that can match the first one. When you scrape the bottom of the humor barrel for jokes you don’t have much to work with. You can’t elevate the material because it loses the audience.  All you can do is rearrange the same level of jokes you had in the first one or change the location you tell the same jokes in.

Am I wrong? 

Project Almanac

Project Almanac - 106 min - PG13

I wish the filmmakers really did have a time machine so they could go back in time and prevent themselves from making the choices that lead this interesting idea down the road of paradoxical disaster. Amongst their sins are: found footage gimmick: not playing by their own rules: and an ending that makes the whole journey not worthwhile. I so wanted to give this movie a green light on the concept, but its execution gets a red light from me.

David(Johnny Weston) is a high school senior. He finds a camera in his dead father’s belongings with a recording of his 7th birthday party. He sees his 17-year-old self in the mirror in one of the shots. This leads him to find what his father was working on before he died, a time machine. With the help of his sister, Christina (Virginia Gardner), and his two closest friends, Quinn (Sam Learner) and Adam (Allen Evangelista), they finish the time machine. They start out with small jumps that only go back three weeks and then further. They include David’s crush, Jessie (Sofia Black-D'ella), after borrowing the battery in her Prius for a test.

Found footage is a one trick pony, the person who came up with it gets to claim that trick and it should have stayed there. This concept in a horror can work because we see what people have recorded before their demise. As other genres try this technique, it starts getting more and more absurd. Not only am I a crazy person who has to film everything I do, I have to get coverage from two cameras. Then there is the mutant-like power to set the camera down in a hurry and have it land so that the entire room is in frame and you are not looking at the floor or a blank wall. EVERY TIME you set it down. Let’s just agree to be done with this style of filming. It’s a shame, the story itself could have stood on its own merits without the filming gimmick.

It took a long time for the movie to get to the point. It could have been a much better if they tightened up the introduction. They also fell down with following their own rules. It's established that one you go back and change time it ripples and changes and it gets out of hand. David chooses to go back to stop all of the craziness. He goes back ten years and destroys the time machine before they have a chance to screw things up. So he does, and he disappears but for some reason the camera he used doesn't get affected by the paradox. If he destroys the time machine, he never goes back so he disappears from existence but not the camera? Blink....Blink... Nope you lost me.

The one good thing in the film is how they start using the time jumps for small things and then they go larger and larger. They do build tension, because anyone who enjoys time travel movies knows that jumping to the past has consequences. According to the butterfly effect, a small thing has an effect on other larger things. As a viewer I did feel more and more uncomfortable waiting for the temporal shoe to drop. It's too bad they didn't know how to manage the velocity of the story once it got out of control.

What was your favorite time travel film? If it's this one, forget I asked.

God's Not Dead

God's Not Dead - 113min - PG

I would like to see a Christploitation film that was really good, I am not getting that here. See what I wrote on Web Wombat. Less preachy and more time sorting out the dodgy script. It's too bad, there are thousands of Christians looking for a good movie that caters to them.

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters - 88 Min - R

This classic faerie tale is dishing out pain , agony and some truly cruel and unusual punishment... on the viewer. See my review on Web Wombat. It could be much worse, but not by much. 

Mortdecai

Mortdecai - 107min - R

There is no earthly way I can express my disappointment in this film. There are some really talented people attached and you'd figure it would have been better just on star power. The story is feeble and the jokes are delivered with determination but none land. At most the audience gave a nervous pity titter. All I can feel is embarrassment at how poor this movie came out. The lowest I can give it is a Red light, this movie has made me think I should set up a no light award.

Mortdecai (Johnny Depp) and his wife, Johanna (Gwyneth Paltrow), owe back taxes to the tune of 8 million pounds. He needs to find a way to make a lot of money in a week before he loses his estate. His gets approached by Marland (Ewan McGregor), a member of MI5, who hires Mortdecai to find a rare painting that is supposed to have been destroyed. With his faithful man servant Jock (Paul Bettany) he sets off to find the painting and save his mustache and his home.

The one thing I did like about the movie is how Johnny Depp threw himself into the role. He doesn't do things in half measures. He transformed himself into the character. The character of a complete and total tit. There were absolutely no redeeming qualities to him. Paul Bettany did show off his action skills and he does them well. While he stood out in this film, with the bar set so low it wasn't hard.

I wonder if this movie looked better on paper, a person doesn’t start out by making a bad film… do they? I bet Johnny Depp was friends with them and decided to join in regardless of how bad it looked.

Johnny Depp is a standup guy. He has done a few things that have really gotten me on his side. So it baffles me why he chose to do this picture. His over-the-top British character was grating after a while. If this character was a member of a minority class, people would have called racism with as many stereotypes were used in the performance.

The movie has two endings. One was when Mordecai finds the painting, and I would been happy with the end being there, or maybe I just wanted to be done. There is another section where he comes up with a huge plan to get himself out of debit by pretending to sell it. I didn't care at that point. As a viewer I was not interested in the second part of the movie.

This movie really is all about the lip ferret Mordecai is growing and trying to get his wife to accept. One of the more mildly amusing moments is Gwyneth Paltrow gaging after each kiss, and Mortdecai's sympathetic gaging in reaction to her gaging. Really not enough to carry the movie but it did put a smile on my face. The 'stash is so absurd that it has more of a personality than the character did.

The Interview

The Interview - 112Min - R
I threw myself on this bad movie for Web Wombat. You don’t need to see James Franco and Seth Rogen’s Asshattery. The only part that got a chuckle out of me was delivered by Lizzy Caplan.

This journey into bad taste can be skipped. Or do you think I am wrong.

Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues "Super-sized Version"

Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues - 119+ min - Not Rated

It is not a surprise that I am not a fan of this kind of humor. I reviewed this on Netflix for Web Wombat. They did an outstanding job it was good work, just not my thing. Steve Carell has to be my favorite part with Kristen Wig.  Will Ferrell is hit or miss with me I do like him in some stuff.

The one cool thing about this is that it is a different move from the theatrical release. If you enjoyed that version you have to see this one, because its the same film only not. Just watch it you’ll see.

What was your favorite part?

Sex Tape

Sex Tape - 94 min - R

Blink, blink....Um....Blink. I have no words for how bad this film is. Obviously a red light film. However more disappointing: this is proof to the contrary of a point I have been making for years. If you enjoy working with a group of people on one film, don't do a sequel--make a new movie. This turd burger is brought to you from the makers of Bad Teacher. Thank you for giving me an hour and thirty minutes to reevaluate my life and enjoy the fact my life is way better than the characters you showed us. Bask in the red glow of the light you have earned.

Jay (Jason Segel) and Annie (Cameron Diaz) are in the time of their lives when you and your spouse get wrapped up in life and responsibilities you forgot to carve out some time for yourselves. So to break out of this pattern they decide to make a sex tape on the new iPad Jay has just gotten. This will bring passion and excitement to their otherwise dull boring sex life.

We thankfully don't get to see this evening of debauchery we just see the afterglow moment when they are both drifting off to sleep. "Don't forget to delete that file?" ..."Hum..Ok. I won't." Well the auto back up to the cloud happens in the morning and the rest is hijinks history.

See Jay has this habit of sharing his old iPads with friends and family. Why a person would have more than one is beyond me. He likes to keep them linked to his cloud because once he discovers great music play list everyone gets an update.

We now have the setup and like any traffic accident we see the problems coming way before the participants do. There is one person who has seen the sex show and keeps sending mysterious texts and is threatening to upload a copy to the web. So Jay and Annie spend the night trying to get all of the iPads back and deleting the offending film. Too bad they couldn't get to the production office before this movie was released.

One of the most painful scenes is the section where they try and get the iPad back from Annie's prospective buyers of her parenting blog. His company is focused on wholesome family values. She gave Hank (Rob Lowe) an iPad with a power point slide on it. Who are these people who can just toss around iPads like business cards? I want to be that rich. Well maybe not--it apparently makes you dumb.

Hank is enjoying a quiet night at home with some heavy drinking and cocaine. Annie distracts him by doing a few lines and spending time while Jay wanders through the maze of a house trying to find the iPad and avoiding the attack dog pet. This is turning point for Jay who decides to not pay the mysterious blackmailer because of his horrific experiences with the dog.

A copy goes to a porn sharing website. The only funny part in this film is Jay's attempt to watch it to judge how bad it is because they never watched it. He gets about 30 seconds in and freaks out. Their big plan is to go to the website servers and break the internet. They get caught and the owner just tells them, why didn't you just send us an email and tell us to take it down because they didn't give permission to use the tape?

The writing crew has got a lot of good work under their belt. I can't explain why this film flops so supremely. This just goes to show you even when you have a good cast and crew and talented writes sometimes they fall flat.

Like The Hangover, at the end we get to see the tape in a manner of speaking. We get to watch how bad the night was. There are no naughty bits because of creative prop placement and shot composition. This movie is not really anything. Not funny, not titillating and not worth a look. If you are locked in a room and you have a choice between watching this film or being locked away in solitary confinement for two years, think long and hard on your choice. The two years will seem like a bargain compared to the lasting damage this film could do you.

If you are a person who enjoyed this movie, first I am sorry. Second please leave a comment and tell me why you enjoyed it. I promise not to judge you.



Jason Segel looks like he is going to be ill, I know how you feel man.

Edge of Tomorrow

Edge of Tomorrow - 113min - PG13

“The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense." - Tom Clancy. This phrase is the fundamental truth that everyone who enjoys science fiction and fantasy lives by. Writers who work in this genre know that if you set down rules to define the fantastic things you are showing us, you need to make sure that they are understandable, and when you set down rules, you live by them. This film worked very hard at balancing the story and plays within the rules for 95% of the film, then completely ignores its rules in the last 5% of the film. For that last bit, they earn a Red Light.

Earth is being invaded by aliens and the humans are losing. Lt. Col. Cage (Tom Cruise) works in the Army press office. While being reassigned to the front lines, he freaks out and gets busted down to private. Now, instead of reporting on the invasion he is fighting on the front lines, even though he is not a combat trained. The invasion goes poorly and he dies confronting an alien that contaminates his blood and causes him to restart his day. Just like a video game when you die you go back to the save point and try it again. After you die, you now know what is going to happen so you can avoid it.

This is a genetic capability of these aliens and the sole reason they are winning. Once alien Alphas die, they go back in time and, armed with the knowledge of how they died, avoid it. So that is the rule that we now live with. In this story this is how things work. Cage, being tainted with the alien blood also has this power now. He starts back at the morning before the final battle. The problem is that no one believes him. Really who would?

Here is where the rules are very important. The moment he dies he has to go back to that same moment in time before the battle. So he struggles through and learns how to fight from that same battle over and over again. He runs into another person who has had the same kind of event affect her. Sgt. Rita (Emily Blunt) was contaminated and had the same problem but she almost died and had a complete blood transfusion and lost the power. Not before winning a battle and winning her the moniker The Angel of Verdun. Cage tells her, and she tells him to contact her when he wakes up again.

Together they work to get Cage ready to change the outcome of the battle and formulate a plan to end the battle.

Remember the rule they started with? Once he dies, he gets come back to the morning before the battle. I love how they have edited out all of the boring restarts we don't need to see again. We see death after death after death but don't have to walk through the boring parts. You have to realize that Cage has had to live through the entire day several hundred times. Possibly thousands but we don't need to watch the reboot from the start. The gamers in my readership will get this next observation.

Imagine you are playing a game that has no save point except right after the character creation. Now imagine there is no quick play button through any of the cinematic scenes. Now imagine you can never play any other game or sleep or do anything else but play that same game you are locked into. You now have an image of a new level of hell. That has been Cages existence for years? This is a pretty horrific existence and I love video games.
I enjoyed thinking of that aspect of the film and not having to watch it. By this time, you had me bought into this new world and its rules on how things work. There was a lot of work done here to transfer the best parts of this hellish world to entertain us.

I hate however how this film now takes those rules and throws them out at the end of the film. If you don't want any spoilers stop reading here, but if you want to see this film rant continue please keep reading.

What have we learned, dead means reboot. So we have to kill the alien that is rebooting before we die. And if we kill them what happens? Reboot. This is the first problem that I have with this concept. The aliens reboot when they die and have the ability to avoid the thing that killed them. Ok let's pass this one up. Let's go to the one that really gets me mad.

The death blow is delivered. The alien Omega is dead and Cage and Rita have convinced a strike team to sneak behind Alien lines and deliver the final blow. They die Heroes and save the world. NOPE, they miraculously find themselves free of the cycle and are back before the morning of the restart and never start down the path of events that lead to them being heroes. The news reports that the aliens have just died. It seems that Cage gets some of the big alien blood in him and he is now free and can keep his original job and also gets to court Rita because he knows everything about her and they live happily ever after.

I am not anti-happy ending. I enjoy them as much as the next viewer. I really don’t like them when they are misplaced and an opportunity missed. Here is my armchair directing suggestion that I would have liked to see. Cage does kill the Omega. He sacrifices himself and the time moves forward. They are heroes for finishing the war and saving humanity. Having them make the ultimate sacrifice is great, but stealing it away with a restart that wipes away their efforts seems cruel.

Maybe we can slather the film in alien blood and get a better ending after this film dies. But I suppose that is just me.

Expendables 2 - Posted on WebWombat

Expendables 2 - 103 min - R

To quote The Immortal Daffy Duck "phew". Please read my review of this film on WebWombat